For the last 2.5 years, I have felt Jaded. Angry. Robbed.
Sepsis robbed me of my happiness, my confidence in my health, my weight loss achievements, and so much more.
Sepsis has made it so I have had to rely on medication to escape depression and has also made it hard to do things I once loved.
Part of living with depression and what I like to call “life after sepsis,” is at times, you realize you’re searching for answers. There are times that I will hear something that literally shines a light on something I didn’t even know I was struggling with. And that is when you realize you’re living in darkness.
Taking a break to say: I talked about my experience with sepsis in my very first blog, and I will continue to talk about it. Because that’s one of the most defining moments of my life. Many people have worse things happen to them, and I’m not discounting them at all. I’m simply saying, defeating sepsis and all the trials that continue to come because of it is the HARDEST thing I’ve ever had to do.
I know that this sounds incredibly corny, but I think Meredith Grey spoke directly to me last week.
Yes, Meredith Grey of Grey’s Anatomy.
If you’re not an avid Grey’s watcher, (which….why aren’t you…) I’ll catch you up. Meredith almost died, like seeing bright lights almost died, and came back to life.
In a recent episode, Meredith said , “All this time I thought I’ve been robbed, but…I came back. It’s all a bonus.”
PAUSE.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?? IS SHE TALKING STRAIGHT TO ME?!
I have felt robbed for 2.5 years, not really thinking about the fact that sepsis literally kills people. Like…people DIE from what I had.
All of the trials and difficult times that I’ve gone through in the last two and a half years have all been bonus trials. Trials that I could have not had. It’s morbid to think about, but sometimes I have to force myself to think about that because it’s my reality.
Every single day is a bonus. EVERY SINGLE DAY.
The crazy thing is, some people have to almost die to figure that out.
So, if I can tell you one thing, it’s that every day is yours for the taking. Every day you need to take the day. Don’t let the day take you.
OK BYEEEE!
See you next week. And remember, do something every day to make it yours!